Normal Girls Are Not Jealous of Strippers. Fact.

I love being a girl. Despite what the feminists may think of me I love being able to buy shoes for every occasion. I love being able to paint my nails in all the colours of the rainbows and top them with glitter. I love being able to go all out with my eyeshadow.

But most of all I love being able to appreciate the beauty of other women without worrying what my friends or society thinks of me. I can watch Doctor Who and marvel over Karen Gillan with her perfect skin. I can see a photo of Rihanna in a bikini and say "wow - what a body". I can go shopping with a friend and tell her that she's found a killer top that flatters her in all the right places. I can talk about Emma Stone being a total babe with my other female friends without worrying that they'll think I'm secretly in the closet. Sadly, this is something men can't do. If a bloke went to the pub and said to his friends "Cor, have you seen Eric in True Blood? That is something special" he would be mocked relentlessly probably for the rest of his life.

Girls can find beauty in other girls when men might overlook it. We can see a beautiful smile, great hair or sparkling eyes while men might just see body or bust sizes. I know the old adage 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' but I wish that men could understand how women work when it comes to rating other women.

What comes up time and time again is if any man overhears any woman making what he perceives to be a negative remark about a semi-naked female. It could be a Page 3 girl, a porn star or even that strange creature in a body stocking on X-Factor last week and it might be a remark as innocent as "oops, she's forgotten to fake tan her underarms". The first thing he will say is "you're only saying that because you're jealous".

No. We. Are. Not. 

What are we supposed to be jealous of exactly? That we aren't in the paper pouting whilst simultaneously cupping our breasts? Oh wait, maybe we're supposed to be jealous that we aren't as thin as the model. Or should we be jealous that we aren't as pretty? It doesn't work that way. We might say "oh dear, she's got an orange face from the wrong foundation" but that doesn't mean we're slating her or calling her ugly. It's just an observation. Looking a picture of a female celeb on the red carpet and saying that we don't like her dress because it's not the right cut for her isn't a catty remark, it's simply a fashion critique. We may have swooned over her dress at an awards ceremony the week before.

Men are allowed to openly criticise and pass judgement on other men when it comes to sports but they're not laughed at and called jealous. If anything, men are more likely to be jealous of their sporting heroes than girls are of strippers. Getting paid a ton of cash to kick a ball around, have a huge house, fast car and a good looking wife is obviously quite the incentive. On the other hand being a stripper means an eternity of dieting, plucking, waxing, shaving, dying, straightening, cleansing, toning, moisturising and dancing around for men who can't find a woman willing to get naked for him without being paid. Creepy and a lot of hard work.

Some girls might have an issue with the man, or indeed woman, in her life watching porn or looking at boobs on Page 3 but it's not out of jealousy. It's out of respect for herself.


At some point in every woman's life they have tried to impress their significant other. For some this could involve a 3 day pampering ritual starting with the removal of all their body hair from the neck down, others may go to the hairdresser or they could simply wear that special dress they know their partner loves. Standing there naked with it all hanging out and on show is pretty much the least effort you can go to.

Ask any man if he'd be happy with his daughter, sister or girlfriend doing porn or Page 3 and the chances are he'll say no. Why? Because he knows how men think and that they will only see her as a pair of boobs with no respect. So it's ok for men to forget these girls are human beings and talk about what they'd like to do to her and objectify her but if another woman says she should reshape her eyebrows then she's the one in the wrong because she's jealous? Yes, it all makes perfect sense.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with getting your body out as a career so long as it is something you haven't been forced into. My cousin has made a fortune from dancing round a pole. She's paid for her house, always has a new car, nice clothes and the latest gadgets etc. and it's been her choice. She's a genius because essentially men are paying her to wiggle to the music for a few minutes. They don't get to touch her and if they annoy her she can get them thrown out, minus their money of course.

Guys, if you took a girl home to meet your parents and had to tell them that she was a topless model would you be comfortable doing it? If your mum didn't approve you almost certainly wouldn't say it was because she was jealous would you? So why do you say it to your platonic friends and colleagues?

The next time you hear a girl say something about another woman don't assume the worst and think she's been possessed by the green-eyed monster. Respect her enough to acknowledge that she's allowed an opinion on whether nipple tassels look tacky.

The Weighting Game

I'm writing about this subject because it's been bothering me for quite some time now. It's not about putting people down or making comments on weight or beauty, it's about how I feel.

Anyone who spends a lot of time on the internet or reading magazines and newspapers will know that at the moment the topic of photoshopping and airbrushing models is a hot one. Teenagers are rebelling against Teen Vogue, H&M has been ridiculed on several occasions and Victoria's Secret seem to be doing their best to make their beautiful models look as alien as possible.

At the grand old age of 27 I've gone past caring what people in magazines look like. I'm not fooled by Kerry Katona posing in a bikini, I know she's popped out a million kids and has a tummy covered in stretch marks. I know full well that the pictures I'm seeing in glossy mags have been airbrushed to the point of fiction. They'd be more believable if they mocked up a CGI version of the celebrity with all their flaws removed and published that instead. Madonna has wrinkles, Britney Spears has cellulite and Katy Perry gets acne. They are all as human as the rest of us. I'm thankful that I am able to differentiate between what is reality and what has been edited, if I were in my teens constantly surrounded by perfection I'd be a nervous wreck and full of self doubt.

What REALLY gets to me is women who lie about their size. I'm sick to death of hearing plump celebrities drone on about how happy they are with their curvy bodies only for them to falsify the tag in their clothing. Nothing says radiating confidence than pretending to be smaller than you are.

All these women claim to be a British size 16.

Admittedly the Boux Avenue underwear model has the benefit of good lighting and airbrushing and the two girls wearing white have been giving the opportunity to pose but as you can see, they're all of very different body shapes. 

Weight doesn't really factor into dress sizes. Obviously if you weigh 30 stone you won't be a size 8 but we all know muscle weighs more than fat and then you have to factor in height, bust size and bone structure. At the time these photos were taken the girl in the middle on the bottom row (Holly from Geordie Shore) weighed 13 stone. The girl wearing white in the photo next to her weighed 17 stone. 

My point is that while we all bang on about how terrible air brushing is, isn't it just as damaging to give a false perception of size? I would bet all the money in my bank account on the woman in the top right photo being a size 20 rather than a 16 especially when you compare her to other people in that size bracket. If she's happy with herself then fine, this isn't an attack on her appearance. However, if a person lacking in confidence or someone full of self loathing who IS a size 16 sees that photo and translates it to her looking the same, isn't that just as bad as airbrushing out some flaws? Despite her tweets confirming that her grey jeans have 16 in the label, I still don't believe Claire from Steps and would put her at a size 18. I also can't help but feel that the underwear model is smaller than advertised. Her hips look wider than the standard cut out model but I'm sure she could fit into a size 12 top and I don't think a 14 dress would be much of a squeeze. Perhaps it's a ruse by the brand to appeal to the often talked about "Real Women With Curves". In my eyes, Holly and the girl and in the white dress give a pretty fair representation about what a size 16 looks like.

Why am I so bothered by this? I am a size 16. I've also never been so insecure. After having my transplant I was put on a hefty dose of a steroid called Prednisolone. It actively encourages weight gain to the face (known as Moon Face) and to the stomach area. I know several recent transplant recipients and without exception they despise Prednisolone because it ruins your body. I put on a whopping 3 stone in 4 months. I was, to put it bluntly, HUGE. I've lost 2 stone but it still hasn't shifted from my middle so I wear a size 16. When I saw the photo of the woman on the top right I was horrified and thought OH MY GOD IS THAT WHAT I LOOK LIKE? I sent it to my friend with strict instructions to brutally tell me how close to her size I am. I have scars on my mid-section from three operations that tot up to a length of 100 centimetres. Yep, a whole metre. Add that to my dress size and it's fair to say that my body issues are excessive. My friend replied by telling me not to be so stupid because I was nowhere near as big as the woman in the photo but I had that period of panic between sending the message and getting a response. 

I've been collating responses to the question "how do you feel about women who lie about their size" from people on Twitter and from my friends and colleagues. Most people felt it insulted their intelligence, others said it was pathetic and tragic. The false perception of size issue was brought up as was the hypocrisy of saying you're happy with yourself in one breath and then lying in the next. One person said it didn't bother her but she also felt that might be because of her age. One lady, who is 57, said "Let them get on with it. If they want to lie to themselves and look like fat idiots then let them". The fact is, aside from one person, dropping a dress size or two when discussing your image bothered everyone. 

Girls, there is nothing wrong with being larger than a size 12. The national average is a size 16. If you're happy and confident with yourself then what's the problem? Anyone overweight thinks that being a size 8 will solve all their problems but it won't. You'll still be skint, your boss will still be a moron and the world will continue turning. I've been rich and poor, fat and thin, healthy and sick and I've learned the only thing that really matters is trying to find a way to be happy in the middle of it all. If you're lying to yourself about being something you're not then you never will be happy. The fact is, saying you're a size 16 when you're really an 18 or a 20 is only going to cause people to laugh, pity or talk about you. Being honest wouldn't get half the reaction that a lie does.