There. I've said it.
This statement is usually met in one of two ways. Either people look at me like I'm some kind of freak with two heads and a tail or they smile knowingly and say that I'm young and will change my mind.
I don't and I won't.
The people who have a problem with this tend to be parents. If you are a parent and you're reading, please know this - your kids are awesome. Even when they're having a tantrum in the supermarket, drawing all over their siblings with permanent marker or shaving the dog. Your decision to procreate has no impact on my life so my decision not to procreate should have no impact on your life. Just as I respect your choice, you should respect mine.
I have two very good reasons for not wanting kids. The first is for medical reasons and the second is that I know I'd be a terrible parent.
My kidney disease is hereditary. Except actually it isn't. Confusing? Yes. I have kidney problems because of a genetic mutation that occurred when I was a teeny tiny foetus. Think X-Men except rather than shooting lasers from my eyes or controlling the weather, my kidneys don't work. But now that I have the rogue gene there is a 50/50 chance of me passing it on to any children I have. The gene can't be dormant, if you carry it then you have symptoms. This is how we know mine is a genetic mutation because there is no history of renal disease in my family so it's not something my mum or dad have passed on to me.
It's at this point that people usually jump in with extremely helpful (*cough*) advice such as "every baby has a chance of something being wrong with it, you won't know until you try". This is very true. Every foetus has the chance of developing some kind of fault whether it's a hole in the heart or a cleft pallet. There is also the chance of disabilities and other diseases. But the odds are usually very long and in your favour. My odds are 50/50. Toss a coin - heads your baby is born with a life threatening illness, tails it isn't. Still fancy those odds?
I've seen my mum go through hell watching me almost die several times and it was her gift of a kidney transplant that saved my life (well, for a while at least). If I have kids it will be entirely my fault that they are ill and I won't be able to do a single thing to help.
I would make a terrible mum. I don't like being outside - beaches and parks are my idea of a living hell. I can't stand noise or mess, I lack even a small amount of patience and I'm neurotic at the best of times. Any child of mine would spend its life indoors watching tv and that is no life to lead.
Then there's the money aspect. Call me a judgmental snob, I really don't care, but if you have kids without the means to support them then you are scum. I don't mean people who fall on hard times, I mean the ones that decide to have kids as a way to get a flat and an income. Once we buy a house next year we will have to be frugal to ensure that we can provide for ourselves, let alone providing for a baby.
I've never been maternal in any way. My friends would always coo over a baby in the street but I wasn't remotely bothered. I've never once said that I wanted children and when I was diagnosed with renal problems at the age of 19 and I found out the odds of passing it on, it validated my decision. Rich has made no secret of his wish to remain childless too. My friends have been having kids for the best part of a decade and whilst I love all of their children, not once have I looked at any them and thought "I wish you were mine".
On medical grounds alone I have good enough reasons for not having children but I'm constantly surprised at how many people disagree. I've spoken to numerous doctors and the renal psychologist and they all wholeheartedly agree with my decision, not just for the health of any potential child but for my own health too. Add to that my hatred of the outdoors and inability to provide support and I find it hard to see how anyone could come to a different conclusion yet they continue to do so.
I'm often asked why we don't consider about adoption if I don't want to pass on an illness to natural children. It goes back to the fundamental basis that we do not actually want any kids.
It's 2012. We as a species can have happy, loving same sex or inter-racial relationships that are only frowned upon by sad, uneducated bigots. So why can't two people decide that they are happy with each other and leave it at that? Why does society gasp in horror and consider a woman to be a failure if she doesn't pop out a few sprogs?
I've been told by earth mother types that it's my responsibility as a woman to produce children. Really? I'd have thought it was more of a responsibility to ensure that any kids are healthy and well looked after but obviously not. I've been accused of being selfish because I'm an only child and am therefore depriving my mum of becoming a grandmother. Yes, because what my mum needs instead of just one loved one slowly dying from an incurable disease is two loved ones dying the same way. My grandfather died from lung cancer when my mum was 14 and my grandmother committed suicide when my mum was 16. She has often expressed how hard it is to grow up without one or both your parents and that's exactly the risk I'd be putting on my kids. And yes, any one of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow but dying in a freak accident is not the same as dying from a life threatening illness that is systematically destroying your body.
So please, society - let me carry on the way I am. What I'm doing isn't hurting you in any way so stop pushing your ridiculous ideals on me.
And as for you, Mr Stork - well you can just shoo and be on your way!
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