Twitter Secret Santa 2013

----------UPDATE----------

The following people have contacted me to say they want to take part in Secret Santa:

sophnina - address, likes/dislikes received
xmjox - address, likes/dislikes received
BonnieYork - address, likes/dislikes received
_MissH_x - address, likes/dislikes received
ladykrw - address, likes/dislikes received
kerrieout - address, likes/dislikes received
tattooedrich - address, likes/dislikes received
lilliesandlove - address, likes/dislikes received
mitch_uk - address, likes/dislikes received
romanyscarlett (obviously!) - address, likes/dislikes received
ogormless - address, likes and dislikes received
scooshmeister - address, likes and dislikes received
georgioies - address, likes and dislikes received
rachel_2407 - address, likes and dislikes received
sazzlejay - address, likes and dislikes received
charleynew - address, likes and dislikes received
princesspea79 - address, likes and dislikes received
chellington26 - address, likes and dislikes received

If your name is not listed here and you want to take part please tell me so I can add you. If you've not given me your address/likes/dislikes please can you do so whenever you get a chance. If you took part last year and want to use the same address/likes/dislikes then that's fine but please let me know. You have until 1st November to register your participation and send me your information.

The original blog can be read below.

----------UPDATE ENDS----------

ERMAGHAD IT'S ONLY OCTOBER! CHRISTMAS IS MILES AWAY!

There you go, I saved you trouble of saying it.

I'm going back to work full time this month so I'm pre-empting my impending doom being very busy by getting started now. I will be running this event again but I'll be doing things a little bit differently, especially in terms of the postage, but the £5 limit will remain the same.

Last year a present went missing because Royal Mail delivered it to the wrong address a few doors away from the intended destination. Instead of doing the sensible and normal thing of taking it to the correct property in the street the residents decided to return it as "not known at this address". Obviously since the Santa is supposed to remain secret, there was no return address on the package. Nobody was aware that it had gone astray so nobody was able to contact Royal Mail and it is presumed to have been destroyed. This is especially sad because the gift was a beautiful handmade Christmas wreath so congratulations to Royal Mail for their inability to read addresses and an even bigger congratulations to the residents of that property for being asshole scrooges.

Another gift went missing and there is no news on where it ended up so that is presumed stolen or destroyed. Due to these events, this time round I will need you tell me when you've posted your gift so I can tell the recipient that it's on the way and the recipient can tell me when it arrives. This means that if it goes astray we'll know about it. I'm also enforcing a tracked post rule. It obviously means postage will be a little bit more expensive but I would suggest using Second Class Signed For rather than First Class Standard. I've compared the prices and it works out as roughly an extra 70p-80p to do this. As an example a small parcel weighing less than 1kg sent by standard First Class costs £3 and the same parcel sent by Second Class Signed For costs £3.70 but postage will of course depend on size and weight. You'll have the peace of mind of being able to track your item and it will also be insured against loss. As the name would suggest, the Signed For service requires a signature so if you're not at home at the time of delivery you'll get one of those little cards telling you to either pick it up from the local sorting office or telephone to rearrange delivery. If the thought of one these cards fills you with dread you could use a work/friend/parents address instead.

I will be accepting participation requests from now until 1st November and I will draw the names on Saturday 2nd November. I'll follow the same process as last year: you'll need to DM me your address and list of likes/dislikes in advance of 1st November and on 2nd November I will send you a DM with the name, address and likes/dislikes of who you are purchasing for.

ERMAGHAD NOVEMBER 2ND IS SO LONG BEFORE CHRISTMAS!

Saved you the trouble of saying that too.

Another thing I'm changing this year is the postage date. Last year the final posting date was 14th December which caused its own set of issues because of parcels getting caught up in the Christmas post and not arriving until Christimas Eve by which point people had left to go back to their home towns for the holidays. This year I'm going to say that Monday 9th December is the final posting deadline - a week earlier than last year. This gives a full fortnight for delivery. Due to this I'm picking the names a bit earlier so everyone has ample time to buy their gifts.

I know it's loads of rules but it should mean that nobody ends up disappointed this year. It was so much fun last year and everyone taking part ended up following each other so lots of new friendships were made.

As a TLDR of the rules:

Send me a DM with your name, address and likes/dislikes by 1st November
Receive the name, address and likes/dislikes of the person you're buying for on 2nd November
Buy a present for £5
Post by Second Class Recorded prior to Monday 9th December
Let me know when you've sent it
Let me know when you've received your gift

Anyway, here is last year's blog about the whole process and if you've got any comments or suggestions, please let me know!

PS. I'd love it if this year everyone would send me a picture of their presents so I can do a follow up blog about it all.

Say NO to food snobbery

I will be the first to admit that I have been rather unkind in the past about other peoples cooking habits. One particular incident that springs to mind was someone posting a Facebook status about how they'd made their own crumble topping and that they were really proud not to have used a packet. I made a sarcastic comment about rubbing together flour, butter and sugar being easier than opening a packet and then I headed over to the safety of Twitter to cast disparaging comments about people who open a jar of pasta sauce and then mistakenly claim to have cooked from scratch.

It was cruel and uncalled for and from now on I'm making a stand. I will be saying NO to food snobbery. It's gone too far and people are trying to outdo each other at every turn. From gloating over finding a grocer who sells vegetables harvested under the shadow of the third phase of the moon to only buying meat from a butcher who has personally hand reared each animal from birth on a diet of classical musical and unicorn tears. Food snobbery is ruddy everywhere, it's even being used against something as beautiful as chocolate.

"I love chocolate"
"Me too"
"It has to be the proper stuff though"
"Oh absolutely, 70% cocoa for sure"
"Only 70%? I have to have 85% it really makes a difference"
"I've recently been having 90% actually, it's a shame you've not tried it"
"The 90% stuff is ok but if you really want to properly experience chocolate you need to get the 99% pure cacao bar"
"Well funny you should say that, I've been importing cocoa beans and having them raw. You can't beat 100%"

When did it become such a crime to enjoy a bit of Diary Milk or a Twix?

And as for pastry, heaven forbid you should use pre-made. Whenever you watch Come Dine With Me there's always a sanctimonious trout questioning the pastry and down marking if it's not home made. We all know that pastry is easy to make; mix ingredients, rest, roll, done. I've even been to cookery school to learn how to make it but that doesn't mean I'm never going to cheat with a packet especially when it comes to puff pastry. The best restaurants in the world buy their puff pastry ready made and if it's good enough for them then it's certainly good enough for me. It's the gloating that gets me riled up; "Well of course it's home made pastry" and then they act appalled at the idea of someone even suggesting that they would have even allowed a packet of pastry into their house let alone having used it. You made some pastry. Well done. Give yourself a pat on the back.

Don't get me wrong, despite my stand against food snobbery there are certain things I will be unwavering on. I only buy free range eggs and this is something I will never change. I always buy British or Irish meat unless the option isn't there - occasionally I've had to buy Danish bacon and some things are country/region specific such as Parma ham. I know there are British alternatives to Parma ham but unless they have it the supermarket, there isn't a charcuterie for miles and miles so it's not an option.

That point brings me to another bone of contention for food snobs across the land *dramatic music* SUPERMARKETS. Some people seem to be of the opinion that because they avoid supermarkets like the plague they are superior to us lower mortals who visit for our weekly shop. Obviously it's great if you happen to live within a stones throw of a greengrocer, butcher, baker and candlestick maker but most of us don't. I live less than a 5 minute walk from a twice weekly market which features not one but two grocer stalls but I still don't use them. They only sell by the bowl rather than in single units and I simply have no need for an entire bowlful of onions or oranges. I only cook for myself and Rich so if I bought everything by the bowl I'd end up throwing an awful lot away or we'd get bored of eating the same stuff every day. If you've got the time to visit several different independent shops throughout the week then good for you, enjoy it. But there are plenty of people who don't have that option. It may have been a standard way of life a few years ago but with the addition of fridge freezers to every home coupled with microwaves, longer working hours and longer commutes, it's not really practical anymore.

I do believe that home-made tastes better not to mention the sense of achievement and pride you get from starting with lots of separate items and finishing up with something wonderful and delicious. However, if someone wants to buy a jar of ready made pasta sauce for £1 instead of buying some tomatoes, pasata, onion, peppers, garlic and herbs (for obviously a lot more than £1) and stand over a hot stove for ages after a hard day at work, with the kids running around, the dog needing a walk, the house needing a tidy and a mountain of ironing then who am I to judge. Sometimes you just want dinner on the table and if a packet helps you get through the day then it can only be a good thing.

Fizzy Vodka Jellies

Vodka jellies have been my party piece for over a decade now and it goes without saying that if there's a party, instead of bringing a bottle of wine for the host, I'll bring a tray of vodka jelly shots. I've been known as 'vodka jelly girl' for a long, long time and I'm fairly certain that there are a few parties I've been invited to over the years purely because of the jellies.

I've experimented with vodka jellies many times, I made tri-coloured ones that were a huge success but then there was the time I tried to encapsulate jelly babies inside the shots and the less said about that the better. Tomorrow is my mothers annual summer BBQ and I thought that perhaps I'd experiment with the jellies again. When I was a little girl my mum would make me fizzy jelly by replacing half the water with lemonade and I've continued to do this whenever I make jelly at home. So, why not put on my mad scientist hat and make fizzy vodka jellies?!

When I started this project today I wasn't convinced it would work. I've perfected my method (measurements, timing, brands etc) and I was a bit sceptical about changing anything but after trying the finished product, for quality control purposes obviously, I'm thrilled with the results and I can't wait to hand them out tomorrow at the BBQ as they are deliciously tingly and refreshing with just the right kick.

My usual vodka jelly recipe is 250ml hot water and 250ml vodka (they're very potent) poured into shot glasses but I've had to mix up the measurements this time to accommodate the lemonade. If you want to make these fizzy alcoholic jellies, here's the method:

You will need:

A jug
A sachet of sugar free jelly - it MUST be a sachet of powder, the big blocks of jelly don't work properly
Chilled lemonade - I've used diet just because of a personal preference
Vodka
Plastic shot glasses - I got these ones from Poundland
A tray big enough for all your jellies - this makes everything so much easier
Room in the fridge to put the tray
A freshly boiled kettle
A fork

1. Add 100ml of boiling water to your jug
2. SLOWLY sprinkle the jelly sachet into the water stirring all the time with a fork
3. Once all your jelly has dissolved leave the mixture for 5-10mins to cool to room temperature
4. Add 200ml of vodka to the room temperature jelly mix
5. Add 200ml of chilled lemonade to the jelly mix
6. Stir the jelly mix once or twice, don't stir it loads or the lemonade will lose fizz
7. Pour your jelly mix into plastic shot glasses
8. Put the jellies in the fridge until set
9. Eat the jellies and get rascally drunk

I've used a lemon & lime sachet and an orange sachet and I got a full 30 shots out of it.

They don't take long to set at all, I made these at 11am today and they were set at 5pm. Be warned - fizzy jelly, whether alcoholic or not, will go flat after a day or two so don't make it too far in advance. The best way to experience fizzy jelly is to push your tongue through it. I know that sounds weird but you can really feel the bubbles. 

To get the jellies out of the shot glasses you can either tap it on a table to release the sides, use a cocktail stick to run around the edges or grab a spoon. I find that usually a couple of taps is all you need and then the whole shot will slide out. 

If you're wondering why I've said not to use standard blocks of jelly cubes and to only use sachets, it's because the cubes don't dissolve properly in such small amounts of water whereas the powder doesn't have that problem. As for the tray, you can still make the jellies without it but carrying 30 shots over to the fridge without spilling any would be a bit tedious. With a tray you can get them all in at once. 

So there you have it, fizzy vodka jellies. If you make them, I hope you love them as much as I do!

Summer dictators can shove it where the sun doesn't shine!

Are you a summer dictator? Take this easy test to find out.

1. Do you insist that everyone should be outside as soon as the sun comes out?

2. Did you moan about people choosing to stay inside to watch the Wimbledon final instead of going outside?

3. Have you been sunburned already this year? Bonus points if you posted a picture of it to a social networking site with a caption similar to "four hours in the park, look at my tan lines!" or "fell asleep on the beach after too many lagers".

4. Is hayfever 'not a big deal'?

5. On Sunday, despite the south coast being hotter than Peru, Brazil, Egypt and Spain and you living a bit further north where temperatures were at least 5 degrees lower, did you express your disdain at people finding it hard to cope in the heat?

6. Are you confident with your body and do not understand why everyone can't just 'slip into a bikini' or take their t-shirt off to cool down?

7. Do you find it easy to regulate your temperature therefore never having had a panic attack after overheating and finding it hard to breathe?

8. Do you have air conditioning in your bedroom so regardless of the temperature outside you can sleep with ease?

9. Is sunscreen for wimps?

10. Have you been to Iceland and stocked up on disposable barbecues and multiple cheap burger/horsemeat/sausage/chicken combo packs?


If you answered 'yes' to three or more of those questions then CONGRATULATIONS - you are a wanker summer dictator.

Prizes include:

An overwhelming inflated ego
Being a massive bell-end
The personality of a wooden spoon
Dry, peeling skin (bonus points if you burned a mole - who doesn't love skin cancer)
Accelerated ageing process
Dehydration
Sickness and dizzy spells from sunstroke

Enjoy your future.

Have a nice day now!

What Really Grinds My Gears

We've all got our pet hates, things that grind our gears for inexplicable reasons. Things that make us wince, squirm and struggle not to correct. They're usually really simple little things that have absolutely no detrimental effect on our well-being or happiness but yet they they grate like nails on a chalkboard. We know we shouldn't let them bother us but they do and these are mine:

Expresso

I don't even drink coffee so I have no idea why this causes me such pain but every time I hear someone say "expresso" I want to strangle them and scream at them that "IT'S ESPRESSO, NOT EXPRESSO, THERE'S NO X YOU BLOODY MORON". I know I'm not alone in my hatred of mispronunciations, my best friend quit a job once because one of her co-workers pronounced mayonnaise as 'maronnaise' and she just couldn't deal with it any more. Perhaps it's a blessing that I don't like coffee so I don't run the risk of encountering these imbeciles on a regular basis inside coffee shops. 

Dr. Who

I love Doctor Who and it really, really, really grinds my gears when I see it written as Dr Who. It offends me for so many reasons. Firstly, the show is called Doctor Who - it's not called Dr Who. Secondly, it implies his surname is Who. To explain - if I was a doctor I would be Dr Meehan because that's my surname so calling him Dr Who makes his surname Who. Which it isn't. Thirdly, he introduces himself as The Doctor and it's a running theme in that people then say "Doctor? Doctor Who?" because his name isn't Doctor Who and writing it as Dr Who makes it look that way, to me at least. Again, I know I'm not alone in this as it's a common cause for complaint amongst fans of the show. Shouldn't we worry about more important things? We probably should but it won't stop us being irritated by this.

Prom

Proms themselves don't upset me but the way the word is treated like a proper noun does. It's the word 'the' being missing from most sentences involving proms that gets me. People say "It's prom this weekend" or "I don't have a date for prom". I feel like it should be "It's THE prom this weekend" and "I don't have a date for THE prom". If we were going shopping, we wouldn't say "I'm going to shops", we'd say "I'm going to THE shops". A proper noun refers to a unique entity eg a country, person or city. Proms are not unique entities, they're events. We don't say "I'm going to cinema tonight" or "I'm going to concert" we say THE cinema and THE concert. I'm raging just writing this. I hope I've explained it properly because I have to move on before I throw myself and the laptop out the window.

Best/Cutest/Greatest in the WORLD

I feel a bit hypocritical about this one because I've got a photo of Monty in a Facebook album that I've written "the cutest little doggy in the whole wide world" on. To be fair I uploaded that picture before this became a pet hate of mine as it's something that has developed over the past 18 months. But I sure do hate it now. It's such a lame and lazy compliment. It's something people say when they lack any sort of creativity to say something nice about the person they're talking about. Obviously getting a card from your 6 year old kid proclaiming you to be the best parent in the world is a pretty special thing. Getting a card from your 30 year old offspring with the same message is a bit less special. It's such a boring, stealth brag - especially when parents battle it out with other parents on photos of their kids. And don't get me started on "I really do have the best boyfriend/girlfriend in the world" followed by something utterly mundane like "they've hoovered the lounge" or "they've bought me some Malteasers". The fact you can't think of something a bit more creative or nice to say pretty much negates your claim.

That's Tom with a capital T

I've had to save this for last because this is The One. Such a blight on my existence that it makes me want to scream every time I hear it. When someone gives you their email address and they tell you it's all in lower case or that the first initial has to be a capital letter. I have tried my very best to rise above it and to not let it bother me but every attempt has failed. Miserably. It's an unhappy coincidence that for the past 10 years I've been working in offices so I hear this a lot more than any person should ever have to and sometimes it's taken real effort not to correct people. I've had colleagues who, despite me patiently explaining it to them and sending them an email to JoHnSmItH@PrEtEnD.CoM, still insist on specifying that it all has to be lower case. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? IT'S 2013 FOR GOODNESS SAKE! WHY ARE THEY ALLOWED OUT OF THE HOUSE LET ALONE BEING ALLOWED TO USE A COMPUTER?? I've got an eye twitch just from thinking about it. AAAAAARRRRGH!

So those are my top 5 pet hates. I realise they're silly and unimportant and I know there are much bigger things I could spend my energy on but I can't help it, these things get me every time. If you've got something that inexplicably causes you to see the red mist, I'd love to hear what it is! Perhaps it's something I'm guilty of doing in which case - sorry! 

Now, here's some dachshund puppies. Everything is right with the world again.

The Significance of Being Insignificant

Every now and again, no matter how happy you are with your life, you'll experience a short period of time where everything seems to go against you. We've all heard people say that they're having 'the day from hell', a 'bad week' or that 'they've been having a tough time lately'. 

I have a lovely life, usually, and I often can't believe how lucky I am but the past couple of weeks have been rather stressful. We bought our first home a month ago (yay) but we've been having some difficulties with a nearby house being horrible neighbours, work has been incredibly busy and the upstairs flat had a slow leak which lasted almost a full two weeks and caused a lot of damage to our living room. The insurance policy was still in the name of the seller of both ours and the upstairs flat so we weren't able to get it sorted because calling in our own plumber would have invalidated the policy. The upshot is that we, along with the upstairs flat, have to pay hundreds of pounds to a plumber as well as the £300 policy excess but we will eventually be refunded the plumber's fee. Because of this I had to cancel a trip to Manchester for a birthday party as I simply didn't have the money. My reaction to stress is to eat so with all of this going on I'd put on a few pounds. It's fair to say I was feeling very sorry for myself. And then I got the news that an old friend had been murdered.

I won't say it put things into perspective because my mind doesn't work like that. I can't stand this totally bizarre notion that you're never allowed to moan or be upset about anything because someone somewhere has it worse than you. I do believe that you should pick who you moan to and be considerate when sounding off. I know how frustrating it was when I was on dialysis to hear friends complain about trivial things like breaking a nail or forgetting a tv show was on. But if on the basis that somebody out there is suffering more than you so you can't possibly be sad then surely by that reasoning you can never be happy because someone is no doubt in a better situation than you. 

It did however make me think of a personal revelation I had several years ago and no doubt anyone reading this has had this thought at some stage too. One of my close friends had gone into labour at 3.30am and I drove her mum and sister to the hospital. I was on my way home at 5am and although the hospital was on the other side of town I saw barely any other cars on my entire journey. All I could think about was that everyone was asleep but my friend was having a baby. As the whole town appeared to sleep a new life was coming into the world and they had no idea it was happening. I had work that day and it seemed hilarious at the time that in 4 hours I would be at my desk which may as well have been a million miles away. I got to thinking about all the times I'd been doing the laundry or napping and what might have been happening at those exact moments all around the world. Births, deaths, marriages, wars, scientific breakthroughs, great sadness and great happiness. All things I would never know anything about. I'd thought about things like that before but it really hit me that time because I knew something so momentous was happening back at the hospital. 

From then on I've looked at people differently. It's almost as though every person is in the starring role in a film about their life. They're the main character, the one that would be nominated for Best Actor at the Oscars. Their inner circle are the supporting cast and then there's a whole bunch of extras to set the scene. But they also are a supporting actor in the film about another persons life or an extra in the life of someone they pass at the supermarket. We are all at once at the same time both significant and insignificant. It's beautiful and somehow tragic too. 

I've since found out that The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrow had a name for this and it's called "sonder". A definition:

The realisation that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.

While I had been going through some personal stresses my friend had been murdered. The tributes that flow in from all the people, whether supporting actors or extras, are like the end credits to the film of his life. Each of those people now have one less character in their own films. Once less friend, one less customer, one less person to walk past in the street. But somewhere, on the other side of the world perhaps, someone is in a state of excited awe that something so wonderful is happening to them right now in this very moment. And you will never know about it. 

Red Nose Day Glossybox Raffle - UPDATED

We have a winner! Emma Mae has won the raffle.

I used the Random Picker website to draw the winner. All names were uploaded and the site does the selection for you. 

Here's an image showing there were 55 entrants, one for each pound donated, as well as confirmation that I couldn't edit the result. 

After a mix up with friends over who was ordering a 3 month subscription for a birthday present, we have ended up with one too many boxes this month. We have therefore decided to raffle the box for Comic Relief.

The box is unopened so we cannot guarantee the exact contents but brands featured this month include Jelly Pong Pong, Juicy Couture, Nails Inc and Monu. You can view the full list of brands and products at the Glossybox website.

The rules and entry are very simple. Entry will cost you £1 but you can purchase additional entries for every £1 you donate. We will pay the postage to a Mainland UK address. The winner will be announced at 10pm on Friday 15th March here and on the sponsorship page.

Normally a single Glossybox would cost £10 with an additional £2.95 postage so for a small £1 donation you could be getting quite a bargain.

We have joined Dawn O'Porters fundraising team so please feel free to promote this raffle using the Twitter hashtag #teamhotpats. We've set ourselves the target of £50 so we need 50 lovely people to enter the raffle before 10pm on Friday. It's a bit short notice but we're hoping for the best.

You can enter the raffle here:

https://my.rednoseday.com/sponsor/romanyscarlett

Thank you so much for your support.